I was listening to the radio out here for traffic tips, as I always am during the hours of 6-8 in the morning, when the quick sports blurb came up about a major league team that was planning on having a promotion that included bringing sewing projects to the park. I figured they really meant a minor league team, or perhaps maybe the Devil Rays, as they would have lots of old people. But when they came back from commercial, they confirmed it: that's right, the Phils.
I doubted it, but it's even on the official website for the night of June 26:
STITCH & PITCH!!!!!
Now, I know that the Phils' front office is trying here to reach out to new demographics. This is likely aimed at bringing women / elderly fans to the park. Sewing seems like such a warm, fuzzy activity that it couldn't possibly lead to anything bloody or riotous.
Too bad they forgot where they are.
I went to the last three or four opening day games at the Vet. I saw what people could do with objects they no longer needed to carry on their person. Some kid had the - gall? stupidity? cojones? a cross between all three? - to wear a Kobe jersey to the very last one. Within seconds, he was being bombarded by empty bottles, free hats and towels, and anything else that could be thrown without back damage. Let's not forget the greatest moment in the history of Veterans Stadium: the infamous J. D. Drew game, where people were so upset that it wasn't winter and they couldn't throw snowballs with batteries hidden inside (as had been the practice at Eagles games for quite some time) that they just openly brought used batteries and chucked them, nearly causing a forfeit. Hell, they don't even need weapons. I once saw a guy pull another sucker down twelve rows of bleachers.... both got up and kept punching. This stitch and pitch business could be worse than 10 cent beer night.
I know that the people behind this will say that they will allow only plastic needles and keep the knitting to grandmas. Again, they seem to forget who they're dealing with. Plastic needles can still poke an eye out if used with such force, and in Philly, even the grandmas can get in on the action. That mitten probably has some jagged rocks in it.
Anyone in for an over/under on the eye injuries that night?
(Speaking of the Phightin's, I recently discovered that wanted pirate / was once a man / of Boston divided loyalty / war mongerer Mikael Mulllller is part of a group blog just for the Phils:
http://driventodeepcenter.blogspot.com/ . Perhaps we shall connect with them to provide baseball snarkiness in all corners. As the only person left on this blog who cares about the Phils, I say welcome.)