Wednesday, December 06, 2006

The arms race, part laaaame

In an off-season already being hailed by critics as the most freewheeling in ages, one team is taking the bidding war and frustration with the pitching drought to a new level.

The New Y0rk Yankees offered Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn $7.5 million a year to shore up their bullpen. When reached for comment, GM Brian Cashman said that they were most worried about his control, though he had shown promise in the California Penal League.

Cashman also added that in such a dry market, having a fictional character as your setup man isn't necessarily the worst thing.

"I mean, it's not like we signed Vicente Padilla for 11.3 [million] a year," he said. "That would just be stupid."

Actor Charlie Sheen, who portrayed Vaughn in the 1989 film "Major League," said he was excited by the opportunity.

"It's been a while since I slipped on those horn rims," said Sheen. "It's also been a while since I had a free pass to start seeing those hookers in Cleveland again."

"Cleveland rocks, indeed," he added.

Cashman also said that Yankees owner George Steinbrenner might be willing to give Steve Nebraska another chance.

"Maybe we bailed on him too soon," said Cashman. "That funny little man with the hat who reminded me of Woody Allen seemed pretty convinced he was something special."

"Besides, let's face it - who are we going to sign, Ted Lilly for 10 [million] a year? Give me a break."

1 comment:

j. leo said...

What, no Kevin Costner roles? This man threw a perfect game in his mid-50's for Detroit; he's got some value.