shut up about dirty hands

You know,

in some nursing home, or old house with plastic on the furniture, or hospital, or Florida senior community...

there's gotta be one or more old guys who want everyone to shut up. And why not? In the old days, there were like a million different things pitchers did to balls to liven them up. Nowadays, your belt looks a little sharp and suddenly Buck Showalter is sending three forensic experts to the mound to check on it. I, for one, like to imagine a crusty old ballplayer, much like Ted Williams (but alive and at room temperature), going on about how stupid Dirtgate is.

Cue Grandpa Simpson voice:

"Rosin? Bah! In my day, we had the spitball, the nickball, the slimer, the St. Louis special, the wazzu, the whizzer, and a bunch of other balls all doctored and dirtied up. Why, Dizzy Dean and his brother used to take moustache wax and spread it all over their gloves before each game. We called it the Van Buren. We also slid on fields with nails and razor blades on the grounds. And played through rain. And snow. And the war."

Okay, I'm making all this up, but you get the point: it's over, the Cardinals are doing good now, and Rogers pitched better with a clean hand anyway. So shut up, you national media members (not Lou).

And you tell 'em, Whitey.